Comedy XML.com

My Mom Made $100 From A Monkey's Penis!

2008-01-15T15:09:00.000-06:00

TRUE STORY:

Today I received a call from my Mom. "Hey Angie, can you email me those pictures you took at the zoo? I want to sell them on Ebay. I mean I don't make any money selling pictures, but I want to use them anyway." Ok...why waste your time selling something on Ebay if you do not make money? HUMMMMMMM...Ok...anyway....it continues. I email the pictures I took of animals at the zoo...please note that I am not like this huge animal lover/photographer, I simply took pictures of the animals my daughter saw for the first time when she visited the zoo. Phew!!!!...I just wanted to get that off my chest. So about an hour after I emailed those pictures, my Mom calls me back and says, "Angie? Did you look closely at the picture with the Monkey? Because, well, um, his penis is showing!" I'm thinking....it's WAY too early in the morning for me to talk about Monkey Penis! THEN she asks....."So did you take the picture BECAUSE of the penis? Or because of the his snout?" WHAT!?!?!?! Oh My Goodness....I say...."MOM because of the snout! I am NOT into the Monkey penis! OK?" She just starts laughing and laughing and says..."Thanks Angie! I just won $100 from your Father! He said you took the picture because of the penis and I said you took it because of the snout." I literally took my finger and swirled it into my brain! Trust me...the woman will collect her winnings too, because she likes to give people scratch off lottery tickets and then as a contingency, makes you split the winnings...so I guess she is going shopping! WOW! Can we spell? C~R~A~Z~Y~?~?~?

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Hot Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo Video! NOT!

2008-01-14T21:24:00.001-06:00

So...I am from Dallas....Dallas Is NOT Happy today!!!!!!! The only person laughing today is Nick Lachey! The video sums up my thoughts...

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Jay Leno on Jimmy Kimmel & Jimmy on Jay's Show Videos...

2008-01-11T12:47:00.000-06:00

Well the giant late night talk show hosts tidal waves collided last night! It was great to see Jimmy on Jay's show and Jay on Jimmy's show! They should do this more often. Poor Conan...did he feel left out? I'm sure David didn't care...I guess the it's the clean shaved guys vs. the bushy faced guys. Do you think the four of them could get together and tape a "View" type show? Hummm...I would watch that!

Jimmy Kimmel on Jay Leno PART #1 (Jan 10)

Jimmy Kimmel on Jay Leno PART #2 (Jan 10)

Jay Leno on Jimmy Kimmel PART #1 (Jan 10)

Jay Leno on Jimmy Kimmel PART #2 (Jan 10)

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Chelsea Handler's Funny Video! Must See!

2008-01-09T11:42:00.001-06:00

ComedyXML.com LOVES Chelsea Handler!
Watch one of her funniest videos!

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So My Grandmother Emails Boob Pictures...

2008-01-10T19:52:00.000-06:00

This is an email from my (Angie Day) Grandmother. It was a normal, average day, then BAM! I was hit with this interesting email from my 80 year old Grandmother, titled, "Wash All Your Garments Before You Put Them On!". "Really?" I thought as I tilted my head to the side...to ponder the request of my lovely Grandmother. As I read the email, a giant smile came across my face, as I marveled in the new knowledge I had just acquired. Then....another BAM! BAM! BAM! SHE ATTACHED 10 GROSS PICTURES OF BREASTS THAT WERE DECAYING FROM A FLESH EATING VIRUS!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yea...You heard Me. I will not post them on this site, but if you HAVE to see them, well sorry......you don't want to lose your food? Do you? Here's the email:

I'M SORRY I HAVE TO SEND THIS E-MAIL BUT WE

WOMEN AND MEN HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS AND I

FELT IT BEST TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.......NOW

MOST OF YOU MAY ALREADY WASHING YOUR

UNDIES BUT I AM ONE THAT DOESN'T DO THAT.

AFTER READING THIS AND SEEING THE GROSS

PICTURES, I MOST CERTAINLY WILL WASH DENNIS

AND MY NEW UNDER-GARMENTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS WAS SENT TO ME FROM OUR "CHURCH

SECRETARY AND A NURSE WHO STAY UPON THIS

SORT OF THINGS.

I JUST WONDER WHY THIS HAS NOT BEEN AIRED

ON TV ALTHOUGH IT IS A MOST DELICATE SUBJECT

BUT OF COURSE THE GROSS PART COULD HAVE BEEN

LEFT OUT.

TAKE CARE AND I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad that the Church Secretary and Nurse, stays up on those things. Phew! At least someone is! Well maybe it won't be aired on TV but it's now aired on this blog. I Love Her!

Vote For Funniest Stand Up Comedian!

2008-01-08T23:04:00.000-06:00

Wondering who's the funniest stand-up comedian?
Have some opinions of your own? Browse through
Comedy Central's catalogue of free stand-up clips
from the best comedians working today and vote
for your favorite, then tune in to watch the countdown
at noon on Sunday, January 27th.

Comedian Stand Up Showdown

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My Comments On Perez Hilton Stories 1/8

2008-01-08T01:10:00.000-06:00

COMEDYXML.com's Point Of View On Stories
Posted at: www.PerezHilton.com

Katherine Heigl always looks so polished and ladylike at red carpet events!

The newlywed was in full-on glam diva mode at the premiere of her latest film, 27 Dresses, Monday night in LA.

The movie is getting really good buzz.

If this is a hit for her, it would be the second hit movie in a row for Heigl, after this past summer's Knocked Up.

She'll be a movie star!

Translation: ain't no way she's staying with Grey's Anatomy after her contract is up.

[Photo via Getty Images.]

My Response: Her Dress Matches Her Lungs!

Angie's boobs have been looking bigger than normal lately!

Here she is, with Poppa Pitt, at the Critics Choice Awards on Monday night.

To walk down the red carpet, the mother of four was all covered up in this lovely trench coat.

Hmmmmmm……….

[Photo via Getty Images.]

My Response: Yea....Her Tits Look Great With Her Tats!

Tom let her out of the house!

A solo Katie Holmes attended the Critics Choice Awards in LA on Monday night, and she looked gorgeous.

The ceremony was not picketed by the striking writers, even though it was broadcast on Vh1, and it got a very nice star turnout.

CLICK HERE for a full list of the night's award winners.

My Response: Did She Just Roll Out Of Bed
And Take The Sheet With Her?

Kate Bosworth was spotted in Sydney this past weekend sporting those sunglasses.

Hmmmm…..

Thoughts???

[Image by INCO via Fame Pictures.]

My Response: Is that Mork or Mindy?
Shazbot! Nanu-Nanu!

Now that the Golden Globes and all the after-parties have been officially cancelled, the loss of the show and everything surrounding it is going to cost the local economy upwards of $80 million!

On the bright side: many SWAG suites are still going on.

Though they will likely be filled with only Z-Lister's!

My Response: Cool! I'll save space on my TIVO!

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I'm Gonna Give You The Finger....

2008-01-08T00:22:00.000-06:00

Hut...that is. I am thinking about remodeling my home...here are some decorating ideas from Fingerhut. I especially love the Dolphin "Fiber optic" Table. Yes...you heard me right....it lights up! It will look perfect with my Whale sofa and Seal Recliner. Oh...they are all IN STOCK...what are the odds of that!

Description: Magical fiber-optic dolphin fountain table. Hand cast and meticulously hand painted glass-topped table features sculpted dolphin scene at top and base. Fountain flows water from top along base, highlighted with an array of fiber-optic lighting.

Description: Majestic peacock sculpture. Accent a table, mantel or shelf with this proud beauty crafted in wrought iron with gorgeous painted metal plumage.

Description: Color-changing mist lamps, each lamp creates an ethereal mist, with LED lights and trickling water sounds. Add your own aromatherapy fragrance.

Description: Peacock mirrored wall sconce. Candlelit drama for your wall. Black finished iron sculpture frames a mirror and holds 9 glass votive candle cups.

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Funny Picture of The Day: Chris 'n' Avril

2008-01-07T15:10:00.000-06:00

Chris Crocker & Avril Lavigne Separated At Birth! Shouldn't her name be spelled Laveen? The spelling sounds like La-Vig-Knee....hummmmmm....just thinking out loud.
(Yes...separeated is mis spelled....I didn't do it!)

MushroomKing

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Read My "Auto Response" To My Email Address...

2008-01-07T00:27:00.000-06:00

So I set up my "Enable Auto Reply" feature on my email
address. Here is my "Auto Response"....

Thank you for writing to ComedyXML.com. I may or may not
contact you. You see I may be hung over, sleeping in too late,
taking care of children, working....on this site, fighting with my
husband, and trying to lose weight. SOOOOOOOO....you get the picture.
Blessings,
Angie Day
Editor of ComedyXML.com

**Jokes aside, Feel Free To Submit Your Funny Stuff To:
info@comedyxml.com

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Conan O'Brien Needs His Writers...He's Board!

2008-01-06T11:37:00.000-06:00

Conan Looks Sexy With His Beard! He finally looks manly!
He's sexy playing the guitar!

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My Baby looks like Larry Flynt and My GrandMother is a MAN!

2008-01-05T09:52:00.000-06:00

Have you checked out MyHeritage.com?
Well it's crazy (like a fox) because you want to use
every photo you have to compare your family and yourself
to celebs, to make yourself feel better after this New Year beginning!
You want to tell yourself...hey...I look like Pamela Anderson? Well then ok...
guess I don't need to lose those holiday pounds sucka!

HOWEVER..........look at my baby....does she really look like
MUHAMMAD ALI??? LARRY FLYNT??? And who is that old
guy from the 1800's....Arthur Conan?? Then below, my baby turns into
a flapper lady from the early 1900's...come on! The winner goes to my
grandmother's morph....into an OLD MAN! WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!?!?!

So, if you decide to use this, BEWARE....you may look like Britney Spears!!!!!!!

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HOT SEXY MEN!

2008-01-04T21:21:00.000-06:00

They give Justin a run for his money!

http://www.kingcelebrity.com/

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Britney Got A Basket & Is A Basket!

2008-01-04T15:05:00.000-06:00

Look At Britney's Birthday Present!

Image Source: http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com

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Britney Spears Will Clean Your Toilets!

2008-01-04T14:00:00.000-06:00

Must I say more? Ms. Clean...Ms. Clean....Please clean up your act!

Perez Hilton

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Britney Spears In A Straight Jacket!

2008-01-04T13:02:00.000-06:00

Warning: This post is only for those individuals with a sick sense of humor.

Do not complain. You've been warned!

Get well soon, Britney!

Perez Hilton

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Jay Leno's Jingle Jug Boobs!

2008-01-04T00:39:00.000-06:00

Jay Leno showed these hilarious Christmas Jingle Boobs, on tonight's show!
Baron Bob's
carries them, just in case you wanted a "pair"!

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Hillary Will Crack your Nuts!

2008-01-03T16:00:00.000-06:00

Visit Hillarynutcracker.com HERE
Oh my gosh! I almost tinkled a little bit when I saw this!
You have to see the website. It's just So funny!
I love the ending where it says, "Enter" in between her legs!
He! He!

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ComedyXML Offer Of The Day!

2008-01-02T19:06:00.000-06:00

Free 14 Movie Pass! Get All of your favorite Comedy Movies Here!

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Writers to picket Leno, O'Brien and Kimmel shows

2008-01-02T15:48:00.001-06:00

Late-night programs to air with hosts but not their striking writers.

By David B. Wilkerson, MarketWatch

Last update: 1:35 p.m. EST Jan. 2, 2008

CHICAGO (MarketWatch) -- Striking Hollywood writers will picket outside the studios where "The Tonight Show Starring Jay Leno," "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" and "Jimmy Kimmel Live" television shows are taped as they return to the air Wednesday night without their writing staffs.

Members of the Writers Guild of America will picket the Leno and Kimmel shows in Los Angeles later on Wednesday while protesting the O'Brien program in New York. The Leno and O'Brien shows are seen on NBC.

"Late Show with David Letterman" and "Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," to resume new shows Wednesday with their writers on board. Worldwide Pants agreed to several proposals the WGA had made to movie and television producers before those talks broke down Dec. 7.

The WGA has been on strike against the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers since Nov. 5, halting the production of many TV shows. The writers are trying to renew a contract that expired at the end of October.

Among other outstanding issues, writers and producers are fighting over how much compensation writers should receive when TV shows and movies are streamed or downloaded over the Internet.

In a Tuesday letter to membership, WGA East President Michael Winship said that while the Worldwide Pants deal is a positive, the guild cannot ignore the fact that other shows are willing to continue while the strike drags on.

"Leno, O'Brien and Kimmel are all members of the Guild and have been and continue to be extremely supportive of our strike and their writing staffs. For that we truly are grateful," Winship wrote. "Nonetheless, they are coming back without writers and without a new Guild contract, forced back on the air by companies that refuse to sit at the table and bargain with us. We cannot let that pass."

Winship added that the decision to picket shows that will resume production without writers is not intended as a criticism of the individual hosts themselves. The criticism's directed at the networks and studios that employ them, he said.

"We know that some believe this to be unfair and will be unhappy, but we are taking into consideration our overall strategy and the needs of all 10,500 of our members currently on strike," according to Winship.

It's conceivable that some potential guests for the Leno, O'Brien and Kimmel shows may be reluctant to cross a picket line, but Leno will feature Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee on Wednesday night's NBC broadcast.

Late last month, Leno explained his decision to return to the air. "Now that the talks have broken down and there are no further negotiations scheduled I feel it's my responsibility to get my 100 non-writing staff members, who were laid off, back to work. We fully support our writers and I think they understand my decision," Leno said in a statement.

David B. Wilkerson is a reporter for MarketWatch in Chicago.